I am home! I am free! It is officially the start to my weekend and I couldn’t be happier with the two days in front of me, or how well I seemed to do (in my humble opinion) at work this week. Trying to stay positive, on task, clean up the desk so there is nothing hanging over my head on Monday.
And the supervisor is away until Wednesday. This makes me very happy.
Tomorrow, for the first time in over a year, I am treating myself to a pedicure. I get my fingers done pretty regularly, but down here in the swamp, where the ground beneath our feet is mostly sand, I haven’t felt the need to make my toes “pretty”. They get covered in debris as soon as I get out of my car and walk toward my door. But the last time I had my fingers pampered, I figured, what the hell and scheduled an appointment for a spa pedicure tomorrow. I hope it will be amazing.
On Sunday, barring monsoon-like weather, I will go to a friend’s house, who has a pool and we can smoke and swim and enjoy an afternoon. Of course right now the forecast looks ominous, but anything can change. And I would revel in this. I don’t often leave on the weekends, except for the early morning errands, but an in-ground pool is extremely tempting. Especially with our heat index rising into the 100’s.
The best part was probably being able to focus and get shit done at work. To beat the deadlines. It felt so good to have accomplished what I have been working on for the last month, and have it off my plate. What next week brings, who knows? But at this moment, I simply do not care. I am FREE for two days, and that is all that matters.
After his bike ride, my partner sounded much more grounded. It has been raining in his neck of the woods all week, and he needs the escape that the bike gives him. The endorphin rush. I was so happy to hear his mood sounding sane after days of that not being the case.
And my darling friend, god, I am so proud of her. She made it through the front doors. She made it through her anxiety and went back to the viper pit. I can only hope that her returning will be positive for her, and not send her back into the well of self-despair and hating every moment she is there. But, for both of us, that place was hell. I am hoping that with my departure a year ago (as I was described by the two Asps there as “too up”, “too optimistic”, “wanting to change too much” and “too outgoing”). I had a target on my back from day one. I was lucky enough that I could leave. I hope one day she will find her freedom from that hell hole.
And now I am home, after errands and re-signing my lease. Have I been here for almost a year? Luckily, I have amazing landlords who are allowing me month-to-month, in case I have to go north for my parents or a new job. She is a vibrant soul, my landlady. I adore her and couldn’t be happier that they are watching over me, as well as my next door neighbors.
I am breathing. I am letting all the stress of the week slide down my skin and off my back, like the water does to one’s body when in the shower. Let it roll around the drain and be gone. Now I just have me, the page, the words. And blessed freedom for two days.
© Sorrow & Kindness