I know today is going to be extremely hard for you. You have to enter the viper pit, and I cannot be there to help you through it. I have been in your shoes – returning to a place after months away and being terrified of what could be waiting on the other side of the door. I wish I could hold your hand. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and let you know it will all be okay, because right now I know you feel that this is an impossible task.
We both suffer from the same disorder. I found out I was bipolar years and years ago. She learned recently and is still attempting to manage it, as well as other issues (like all of us, life always throws something in our way). She has been in a bad space for a while and today is her D-Day. The day she never wanted to arrive but, as usual, time ticks on and we have to face things we hate. I am here for her, from too far away, and can only keep sending her positive thoughts and hope that the nightmare scenarios she image will be awaiting her are just that – nightmares and not reality.
I give her so much credit. Her life has not been a walk in the park. Like me, she has been trying to figure out how she got to where she is, and how to make it better. I believe it is possible for both of us. But one needs to believe in this for it to happen. Neither of us expected to be where we are at this stage in our lives. Both of us share the same profession and have come to detest it. We both spend many mornings simply trying to get out of bed to get ready for work. Some days are easier then others. I am sure for her, today, it was torture.
She is so talented in other things, and I wish she had more time to explore them. She is a brilliant photographer, a kind and compassionate person, and selfless. But she is surrounded by noise and pressure – much akin to the same static that comes into my life, but being 2,000 miles away from those telling me what to do (other than at work), I have some breathing room. I have been working hard on blocking out the chatter. This is harder for her. It is harder for anyone with a family, a job, constant demands on your time. We are both introverts, and our batteries get drained very quickly.
I simply want to send her love and courage. I so wish I could be there for you. I adore you. You are one of the best people I know, and one of the few that really understands me. Thank you. Be good to yourself today. I will be thinking of you constantly.
And drink a big glass of wine tonight!
© Sorrow & Kindness